Inexplicable...

I've lain on my bed before.
Alone, while it rained.
But today its different,
Today I can feel;
That loneliness.

That ever so chilling feeling.
That your world is empty.
That in your world
There is only emptiness satisfying a void.

I've lain my head
On this very pillow.
By myself. While it hailed.
And at this hour nothings different,
At this hour I lie alone.

In a non-existent fantasies
That overplay themselves in my mind.
Thoughts that i believe,
I should live and experience.

Where is the sin in that?
No vanity involved.
No selfishness, no hypocrisy.
Just my happiness.

I have awoken on my bed before.
A thousand times, I have.
The same dreams i have had.
But it's never felt like this.